


Empty

by KawaiiNinja



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012)
Genre: Angst, Anorexia, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:55:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23422021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KawaiiNinja/pseuds/KawaiiNinja
Summary: An incident was all it took to change Mikey's life. Permanently flipping the turtle's personality. It started with an intrusive thought, trying everything to correct it. But nothing was effective. He knew it was dangerous, he couldn't control himself. He was obsessed with it. After all, how could it really be that bad? He was in control.And the orange masked turtle discovered something cryptic. The secret was to just be empty...
Comments: 6
Kudos: 29





	1. The Incident

**Author's Note:**

> This here was inspired from my own personal experience with this mental illness, along with my cousin and the song: "Empty" by Jaiden & Boyinaband. Enjoy this story! Read at your own risk, considering this may be sensitive to some viewers.

"Mikey!"

"Haha, don't worry dudes! I've got this!" Mikey did a backflip, swinging out his nun-chuck. He accidentally collided against Raph. The hothead growled at him. "Sorry!" They were ambushed by the footbots, and completely surrounded.

"Focus!" Leo ordered. There was giant thud as Tigerclaw appeared.

"Well if it isn't the turtle fools? Today is my lucky day." The tiger took out his ray gun, firing it. Mikey yelped trying to dodge the laser as he fell back. Everything was a blur, weapons clanging in the air. He could hear the sound of screaming, someone was screaming his name.

 _What? What was going on?_ Mikey felt himself being lifted into the air, why was he hanging upside down?

"LET HIM GO!" And then he saw it, Tigerclaw's face. The orange clad turtle began to thrash violently, trying to free himself from the tiger's grasp to no avail.

"Say goodbye, fool." Then he felt it, the way his head collided against something hard darkness overtaking him in a matter of seconds. The last thing he heard was his brothers screaming his name.

The darkness, it was intoxicating and empty. He couldn't feel anything. Where was he? Was he alive or dead? Then there was this faint noise, it sounded like voices, but they were far away.

"Mikey...." the word was bold and clear. Who was that? One of his brothers???

"You're going to be okay." There was a clicking noise, the sound of heartbeat drumming in his ears. Was that his own? Just when he was starting to relax in this void of nothingness, all sense of feeling overwhelmed him at once.

It flooded through his body, images flashing before his mind. Pain blazing through him, causing him to scream. He could feel hands holding him down, someone was saying something, but he couldn't make out what they were saying. His eyes flew open, but he couldn't help but to recoil away from the light. The light was blinding, it was hurting him! The pain was hot and boiling. He wanted it to go away! He didn't want to feel this!

"D....m.... t.... lights!" he managed to make out something that Donnie said. He was pointing behind him, the silhouette of his brothers' faces were blurry. He could only see colors, and flashes of light. The light was supposed to be welcoming and tranquil, but it was doing the opposite effect. It was burning him, he was screaming at the top of his lungs even though he couldn't even hear himself. The lights were dimmed, but he was still in excruciating pain. Did he even have a head? It felt like someone had ripped his brain out.

"M..... key....you gotta c....lm....d....n.." someone was rubbing his shoulder gently. He could hear a conversation between three voices, but they were muffled and blurring together. The turtle tried to talk, yet nothing could escape his throat escape for a strangled noise.

"Hit....head..."

"Con....cussion..."

Mikey could barely manage to lift his hand to find that was something was wrapped around his head. Another hand stopped him, pulling his hand away. He felt something pricking his arm, it felt like a needle.

"Rest..... M...ey..." And he did so, allowing himself to succumb to the darkness once more. Everyday was the same, he woke up to the flaring pain. The lights were never turn onto full brightness ever again. Though he could hear their whispers, he could feel their touch. His brothers were near him and it seemed that they did not once leave his side. Even whilst unconscious he could sense their presence. It was soothing, even though his state of mind was in complete torture. He couldn't remember anything as to what had happened to him. Why was he injured? Why couldn't he do anything? How long had it been? He didn't know, for everyday the routine was the same. He woke the feeling of someone touching him, a pricking sensation, blurring voices. The turtle could never stay awake for very long, it would minutes before he would slip back into the dark abyss.

However, this time, he had awakened, and he was fighting to stay that way. "Mikey?" Something was squeezing his hand. His eyelids opened, turning to see that blurry face. It cleared, and for once he could totally make out who it was. Raph. Everything didn't seem so opaque anymore.

"HE'S AWAKE!" The hothead's yell caused the freckled turtle to flinch, groaning. There was the sound of scrambling.

"Raph, you can't be too loud. He has a severe concussion remember? He's sensitive to sound and light," Donnie scolded. Mikey could feel a hand cupping his cheek. It was Leo, the leader was smiling at him, tears streaming down his cheeks.

"You're awake, Otouto."

"How are you feeling?" Donnie whispered.

"How is he feeling? Do you have to ask such a stupid question, genius?" Raph retorted, as the purple masked turtle rolled his eyes. "He's in obvious pain. Shell, if we hadn't brought him back in time he would've died..." tears were now pouring from the emerald irises. Well this certainly was new, Raph was never one to show his emotions, nor cry for that matter. It must've been that bad if the hothead was sobbing.

"You don't think I know that?" Donnie snapped, making sure his voice was low in a whisper.

"Guys, enough," Leo stepped in between the two. He took in a deep breath. "I know that we've all been on edge here. But he's alive and that's all that matters."

"What..... happened?" Mikey groaned, pushing himself into a sitting position on the cot. He brought a hand to the bandage on his head.

"Careful, Mikey, don't touch," Donnie snatched his hand quickly. "You've suffered quite a severe blow to the head. You're lucky that you managed to survive." The youngest could feel himself being hugged gently. The genius didn't want to squeeze too hard, knowing how that could only give his baby brother more pain.

"H-how?...." he croaked. He needed to know how he got critically injured. Donnie pulled his head back. The three brothers gazed at each other, biting their lips.

"We were ambushed on patrol," Leo started, sighing heavily. "Tigerclaw... he did a number on us and... slammed your head against the rooftop." Mikey could only stare, not fully knowing how to react to that.

"I never seen so much red in my entire life," Donnie his shook his head. "We all went berserk, and it was enough to make Tigerclaw flee. We're just glad that you're still alive, little brother." Mikey nodded his head gently.

"Concussion?"

"Yes," Donnie nodded his head. "You shouldn't move your head too much or make any sudden movements all right?" Baby blue eyes gazed down to the IVs that were hooked into his arm. "Raph and Leo can both get you some food and water. I bet you're famished and quenched." Mikey merely nodded his head gently at this. It was strange, he certainly didn't feel hungry and the thought of eating something didn't quite appeal to him. But he was injured and still out of it. He trusted his brothers, he trusted Dr. Donnie. The genius nodded his head in affirmation, as the two eldest went into the kitchen to retrieve some food and a glass of water.

Leo returned with a bowl of fruit, and some protein along the side. Raph with a big glass of water. "Remember, take it easy," Leo set the tray onto the youngest's lap. Mikey picked up the fork taking small bites of the fruit and steak. He continued to eat, his brothers watching him. His stomach didn't quite do well with the pressure, but he forced himself to swallow. His throat did burn, and there was still a dull ache in the back of his head. It took awhile for him to finish the meal, since he was eating it slowly. Raph handed him the glass of water, as he nearly gulped it down in one chug if it weren't for Leo to tip the cup back. "No chugging, Mikey." The freckled turtle obeyed him, taking small sips.

Donnie reappeared at his side with a soft blanket and his teddy bear. This certainly would do. Mikey smiled, taking the bear to cuddle along with the fluffy blanket. It felt warm and comforting. "Just rest, you'll need it to recover."

"How long?" He dared to ask.

"Usually weeks or even a month, but don't worry about it. You'll get better in no time." Mikey closed his eyes at the soothing feeling of hands rubbing along his arms. Leo was even rubbing circles along the back of his carapace. It was enough to send the lime-green turtle into a peaceful sleep.


	2. Intrusive Thought

Every day was the same for the next several weeks. Mikey would wake up, eat and drink and then lay down all day in a semi-dark room. His brothers would accompany him so he wouldn’t be bored out of his mind. Raph even read him his favorite comics, and Leo would tell him stories. The youngest could even watch Donnie work on his latest invention, giving him some gadget ideas even. And time progressed he was finally let out from the cot and able to walk around. Though he still had to be mindful to not jostle himself. Leo had strictly forbidden Mikey from training or using his weapons. And now an entire month had passed since the incident and Mikey had recovered fully from his concussion. However, something still felt off. 

“Mikey, get up!” There was soft rapping on his bedroom door. The turtle groaned, throwing the sheets over his head, burying himself underneath his covers. “You should come out and eat breakfast.”

“Coming!” Mikey sighed, poking his head out. Sure his brothers weren’t as great cooks as he was, but that didn’t mean that they could at least come up with something. They could make cold cereal and oatmeal. 

“Unless you’d like to make breakfast this time?” Donnie’s head poked from the door that was slightly ajar. “Afterall, nobody is as skilled as you.”

“Nah, don’t feel like it,” Mikey shrugged his shoulders, pushing himself off his bed. He reached over to take off his orange bandana that hung on a skateboard wheel.

“Oh, all right then,” Mikey could’ve sworn that he saw Donnie’s expression fall. “I can tell Leo to make you some warm oatmeal.” Now the genius had disappeared to head to the kitchen. Mikey sighed heavily. What was wrong with him? He just wanted to sleep all day and do nothing. Dragging his feet along the floor the turtle bypassed his little rounded mirror. He froze, before tilting his head to gaze back at it again. The turtle didn’t know what it was, but he didn’t look like himself at all. Baby blue eyes stared at his reflection, looking at every single detail. The only thing that coursed through his mind were all the flaws. They were glaring at him and he was full of it. 

“Is Mikey coming?” Leo questioned as Donnie entered the kitchen. Raph was already seated eating his owl bowl of cold cereal.

“Yeah,” the genius replied walking over to retrieve himself a cup of coffee. 

“And it’s nearly afternoon,” Leo spared a glance to the clock. “Mikey doesn’t usually sleep in this late, not since, well since he got shellacne.” Leo watched as Donnie poured steaming brown liquid into a mug. “Did he say that he wanted to make breakfast this time?”

“No,” Donnie shook his head, now taking a seat next to Raph. “He says he just wants hot oatmeal.”

“Huh, oh… okay,” Leo blinked in surprise. He opened up a cupboard to take out a package of oatmeal to pour into a bowl, adding the milk before throwing it into the microwave. “Is it just me or does something feel off?” Leo dared to asked, typing in two minutes to cook the oatmeal. 

“What do you mean?” Donnie sipped at his mug of coffee. Raph lifted his gaze from his bowl, shoving a spoonful of fruit loops into his mouth. 

“Well, Mikey hasn’t cooked us breakfast for over an entire month. He’s always loved to cook, but ever since….” Leo paused, “the incident… he’s never once touched any utensil in this kitchen. 

“Ya right, this ain’t like Mikey,” Raph shoved another spoonful into his mouth, munching. 

“Well, it could just be the after effects of the concussion, Leo. It’s only been a month, and he did suffer a severe concussion. It might take him more time to finally return back to normal again,” Donnie chugged the rest of his coffee down. 

“Hmmm, I suppose so,” Leo mused, the microwave beeping as he took out the bowl of hot oatmeal. As if on cue, Mikey had entered the kitchen from underneath the tarp. “Oh hey, Mikey, I got you some oatmeal,” the leader set the bowl onto the counter, plopping a spoon into it. Baby blue eyes gazed at it, staring at it for a moment. “You okay?”

“Oh- yeah, sorry about sleeping in,” Mikey snatched the bowl, taking a seat on the other side of Raph. 

“Don’t worry about it, little brother,” Leo reached over to rub the top of his head. “You were probably exhausted.”

“Yeah,” Mikey nodded his head. He spared a quick glance at his brothers. Donnie was now pouring himself some cereal as was Leo. Raphael was stuffing his mouth with fruit loops. Returning his attention back to his bowl Mikey began to eat a bit. It felt weird and he didn’t understand why. The taste was bland, generally he loved strawberry oatmeal but-

“You ready for training?” The orange clad turtle blinked, how did his brothers finish so fast? Flicking his gaze to his half-eaten oatmeal, he shoved the rest of his into his mouth. Leo smiled at him as Mikey took his bowl to the sink, as did his other brothers. “And Mikey should come too.” Mikey nearly dropped his bowl, carefully setting it into the sink. He turned around eyes wide. The turtle hadn’t been training for an entire month and now Leo was enabling it now?

“But Leo-” Donnie protested. 

“Its been over an entire month hasn’t it?” Leo turned to gaze at the genius. “And he’s completely recovered from his concussion.”

“Well, that’s certainly true…” Donnie mused, a little lost in thought. 

“So don’t you think it’s about time for him to regain his muscles back?” Leo grinned. “And be a ninja again?” The leader smiled when he saw the light sparkling in Mikey’s orbs. The youngest nodded his head. 

“Aww yeah!” Donnie didn’t protest any further as the orange masked turtle followed his brothers into the dojo. It had been so long since he trained with them and actually used his weapons. The youngest certainly missed the thrill of action. Since Leo was technically sensei they decided to perform some katas and some low-level training. He knew since that it had been a long time since Mikey had gotten his body moving, that they needed to slowly regain his strength back. 

The orange clad turtle didn’t mind making punches and kicks in the air. The adrenaline coursing through his veins was enough to leave him ecstatic. And maybe perhaps a little too much. They had ended training after their kata session and Mikey felt a little breathless. 

“Wow… dude that felt so good…” he mumbled to himself. His brothers headed off to do their own thing as the youngest was left to recollect his thoughts. Exercising actually felt amazing! “I should totally do this more often,” he flexed his one arm. 

“Hey, Mikey, you want to watch a movie with us?” Donnie tilted his head back. “We can have a movie marathon party tonight. You should invite Leatherhead over.” Come to think of it, Mikey did miss his ol’ buddy. 

“Sounds great dude, I gotta go to the bathroom real quick.”

“Okay.” The turtle walked to the bathroom, closing the door behind him. He took his leak, letting out a sigh at the relief it felt from holding it all in for so long. Once finished, he turned to wash his hands, lathering them with soap. The water ran over his fingers, rinsing his skin. For a moment, Mikey lifted his gaze now staring at himself in the mirror. His flaws were glaring back at him, prominent. He shook his head, slapping himself in the face several times before gazing at himself in the mirror once again. It didn’t do anything, his cheeks were still chubby and the same for his body. 

Tilting his head to scrutinize his body Mikey studied his features. He began to pinch his thighs and the stomach of his plastron. Why was he so fat? He didn’t remember being this chubby before and now it was bothering him. FLAWED, FAT. The words were blazing through his mind. “It’s okay, Mikey,” he shook his head trying to ward off the thoughts. “Just act cool. Nobody is gonna care right?” He turned out to exit the bathroom just as he saw Leatherhead in the main room, along with Slash and Rockwell. The Mighty Mutanimals were here? Donnie must’ve called them. How long had he been in the bathroom? 

“Michelangelo!” The gator waved at him as his brothers who smiled. 

“You’re finally out, the movie is about to start,” Leo gestured to the TV screen. “And Raph bought pizza.” The youngest trailed over to sit down beside Leatherhead, directing his gaze to the TV screen. He smiled at his buddy, giving him a hug. When Leatherhead wrapped an arm around him in return Mikey suddenly felt self-conscious. The pizza boxed was placed open as the movie started. Laughter rang through the lair, but as Mikey took a pizza slice, taking a bite everything seemed to blur. The voices were blurring, everything suddenly felt hazy. The turtle didn’t even notice the slice slip from his grasp as it plopped against his thigh. 

“Are you okay, my friend?” Leatherhead whispered, jolting Mikey from his thoughts. 

“Yeah,” he quickly replied, flashing a grin at his grin. “Accidentally dropped the pizza,” he chuckled nervously. Gazing down Mikey stared at the slice that was now dripping cheese over his thigh. He pushed his legs a bit farther apart noticing just how thick they were. An unsettling feeling washed over him as Mikey took the slice, shoving the rest into his mouth. He tried to ignore the sudden inspection of his body, trying to keep his eyes trained onto the TV instead. 

He didn’t know how long it had been, perhaps hours but the entire day flew by like mere minutes. And now their friends were leaving, and he and his bros were all heading off to bed. “Goodnight, Mikey,” Leo touched his shoulder gently. 

“Night dudes,” Mikey nodded his head. He trailed to his room, closing the door with a soft click. He was finally alone, now he could reflect on everything that happened. “What is wrong with me?” He stared at himself in the mirror. Now he suddenly felt horrible for eating that pizza slice. All these thoughts were coursing through his head and it was like a single voice was prodding him. If he continued to eat pizza at this rate, he would only get fatter. He needed to fix this, he needed these flaws to go away. He needed to be perfect and thin. “I need to do better.” 

He flung himself onto his bed, burying himself into his covers. The intrusive thought kept nagging him, staying in the back of his mind. 


	3. Slippin' Under

Mikey had woken up earlier than usual, for some reason he couldn’t sleep. The turtle didn’t fare well with boredom, so he knew that he had to do something other than lie on his bed facing the ceiling. Shoving the covers off, Mikey exited his room to find the lair quiet. Leo was typically the only one who was always up this early, but the eldest’s bedroom door was closed.

The orange clad turtle found himself trailing to the dojo. He wasn’t in the mood for videogames or anything. Gazing down at himself, Mikey pinched his thighs and belly noticing the chubbiness. No, this was wrong. These flaws, they weren’t supposed to be here he needed to get rid of them. The turtle took in a deep breath before doing several pushups. At least this would help to tone out his arms, and even did sit ups. He needed to get thinner and exercise certainly would be his buddy. The adrenaline was coursing through him, it felt good, be felt better.

“You’re up early.” Mikey was pulled out from his trance to find none other than Leo who stood underneath the dojo’s entrance. The leader was leaning against the wall.

“Oh,” Mikey sat up immediately. “So what’s the deal?” Leo blinked, folding his arms and moving his body away from leaning against the wall. He walked up to Mikey, kneeling down at the turtle’s side.

“It’s not like you to be up this early,” Leo spoke, concern in his voice.

“I came here, because uh- I want to be better,” Mikey confessed, avoiding eye contact with his older brother. He hoped he would buy it. “You know… since I’m always goofing off and can never focus all the time,” he added that last part, twiddling his thumbs nervously.

“There’s nothing wrong with that,” Leonardo leaned back onto his hands.

“There isn’t?” Mikey blinked, lifting his gaze to Leo’s.

“Of course not, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to improve and become healthier,” Leo smiled gently at him. Mikey nodded his head at that. “You sure that’s all?”

“What do you mean?” Now Mikey was confused, he pushed himself up to his feet.

“Well, at first thought I thought you couldn’t sleep so that’s why you came here early,” Leo followed him, pushing himself into a standing position.

“Yeah… that too,” Mikey rubbed the back of his neck. “Kinda didn’t dream well.”

“Oh, that’s okay. If you need today to rest then I’ll gladly give you permission.”

“No!” Mikey interrupted his brother, eyes pleading. “I’m fine, dude. It’s no big deal, really. I just want to get better like I said.”

“All right,” Leo nodded his head. “Now why don’t you help make us breakfast before we start training?”

 _Breakfast?_ The sudden thought of food made Mikey’s stomach churn. He nodded his head, following Leo into the kitchen. At this point, both Donnie and Raph were up as well. The freckled turtle decided to make some hash browns, eggs and bacon. Once finished, he set the desire food each onto separate plates for his brothers. Mikey took his taking a bite of the pile of eggs. His stomach lurched, practically spitting the food out from his mouth.

“You okay?” Now Donnie was watching him, which was weird because he was acting like a zombie just moments ago.

“Yeah… funky egg,” Mikey blurted. “I think I accidentally cooked a rotten egg…”

“You can have mine instead,” Donnie held out the remaining eggs on his plate. Mikey plopped his eggs into the trash bin, scooping some of Donnie’s onto his own plate. The genius reached over to scoop some more from the pan.

Baby blue eyes gazed down at the fluffy eggs. This was too much, no, he couldn’t eat all this. He needed to get thinner not fatter. Taking one single bite, Mikey furtively shoved the rest of the food into the trash bin when none of his bros were looking. “Okay, done! I’m ready to train now.”

“Wow, I like your enthusiasm, little brother,” Leo chuckled finishing up his breakfast as did the others. Mikey followed them into the dojo, ecstatic about training. The more exercise there was, the better! They decided to spar against each other until one remained last turtle standing. Mikey was third place, instead of being the first that was always out. At least that was some kind of improvement.

After training the brothers all decided to have lunch with April and Casey over. Donnie and April were eating popcorn, teasing each other. Raph and Casey were eating pizza, and Leo had invited Karai over to hang out.

“Yo, Mikey,” Casey called from the beanbag as the freckled turtle paused on his way to the kitchen. “Want some pizza?” The black-haired guy held up a slice. Mikey stared at the cheesy slice, it was gross junk food. No, he couldn’t eat that.

“Nah, I’m fine I’ll eat something else,” he waved his hand to disappear into the kitchen.

“Woah, Mikey actually turned down pizza,” Casey stated, only feel something hit him in the face. “RAPH!” The two of them then engaging into a play fight.

Mikey opened up his freezer to greet his pet. “Hey, Ice Cream Kitty,” he cooed, scooping off a piece of ice cream from her body. He froze before the cold substance could even make contact with his tongue. “Wait… what am I doing?” He lowered his finger, staring at the ice cream that began to melt. Ice cream was bad too, it contained too many calories. Wiping if off Mikey gave his cat an apologetic smile. “Sorry, Kitty. I’ll just give you a pet for today,” he petted her head gently and rubbed her chin. Mikey closed the door as he opened up the fridge. Nothing sounded good to him, and seeing all this food it was starting to make him feel sick. Snatching an apple, Mikey slammed the door shut. Aha! An apple and banana would be good. Biting it until he finished the whole thing, he dumped it into the trash. For a moment he stood there, thinking before shrugging his shoulders. “Ah, that’s good enough.” He didn’t need to eat anything else.

For the rest of the day Mikey shut himself into his room watching episodes of Crognard. At one point his brothers came to tell him that dinner was ready. The turtle exited his room to find everyone in the main room eating ramen, along with a bowl of carrots. The turtle plopped down, taking an entire bowl of ramen and a carrot stick. “I’m going to go finish watching Crognard, it’s a special episode,” he told them. Of course, none of them said anything too busy with their friends and chatting.

Mikey retreated to his room once more, closing the door with a soft click behind him. He stared down at the bowl of ramen. This was too much, he already had something today. Bending himself over he poured the bowl of noodles into his trash bin. He’d have to take that out to the trash later. Throwing himself onto his bed, Mikey munched onto his one carrot stick.

Dangling his legs, his foot brushed against his notepad, the object falling onto the floor with the sound of rustling. Pushing himself up, Mikey reached over to pick it up. Count. The word was suddenly in his mind. Snatching up a pen the turtle wanted to draw something, but he didn’t know what. There was nothing that was on his mind, but then why did he feel the urge to write something down?

“Hmmm, let’s see, I’m bored,” he flung onto his carapace, staring at the ceiling for a moment. “Ah! I know!” He turned onto his side to scribble some words onto his notepad. When he was done he read it.

**Scrambled eggs: 91 calories**

**Apple: 92 calories**

**Banana: 105**

**Carrot: 3 calories**

**Total Calories: 291**

Baby blue eyes blinked, staring intensely at the numbers on the page. That last one, it was too high. Since when did he care about calories and numbers??? Mikey crumpled up the piece of paper, throwing it against his wall. His show continued to play, yet he couldn’t focus. Reaching over to slap himself in the face, he turned to gaze at the mirror. However, that was a mistake. “NO!” He shoved it away, not wanting to see his fat cheeks and body. Mikey gazed down at his legs, spreading them so he could stare at his thighs and arms. And this time, it brought tears to his eyes. Why did he look like this!? He hated it! He hated it! He hated his body!”

The turtle fell back against his bed, sobbing as his hands clenched tightly onto his bedsheets. Why did he feel this away!? Why was his body betraying him!? He hated it! He hated it! He hated himself!


	4. Haze

“I’m fine…. I’m fine….” Mikey repeated to himself over and over as he began to shake violently. His body was shivering and shaking, curling in onto himself with his covers. His stomach was growling, demanding food. NO! He couldn’t eat, he mustn’t. The turtle stirred, lifting his head as there was banging on his door.

“Mikey! It’s time for breakfast! You’re going to be late for training!” The freckled turtle let out a sigh. Another day, another time to eat. The thought felt morbid to him. He pushed himself up, putting on his orange bandana mask, opening up his door. Mikey made his way into the kitchen to find his brothers had already finished their breakfast. He must’ve slept in late once again. His stomach churned at the thought of food.

 _GROWL._ Mikey hunched himself over a bit at the intense agony inside his gut. It felt like his stomach was squeezing, he was famished. “No, I can’t,” he shook his head. His body was only wanting him to get fatter, this wasn’t right. He couldn’t trust his body even though it was painful.

Exiting the kitchen, Mikey headed straight to the dojo to join in with his brothers for training. “Today, we will be doing vigorous exercise,” Leo stated, clapping his hands together. Mikey grinned at this, finally something good for today. Training started off with sparring against one another, before turning into pushups and katas to strengthen muscles, and lastly, performing flips in the air.

Everything was all good, until Mikey suddenly felt a feeble sensation in his legs. It felt like needles and pins were crawling up his skin. Why was he feeling so weak all the sudden? Shaking his head, ignoring the way his body was feeling the freckled terrapin pushed himself harder. The prickling sensation began to spread throughout his entire body, making his face feel flushed. The turtle suddenly felt lightheaded as black spots danced before his vision. He could see the image or a brown blur of Donnie’s bo staff slashing in front of him. Mikey could feel his legs stumbling just as his vision turned black.

**WHACK!**

Pain exploded against Mikey’s face and when the turtle came to he found himself laying on his shell with his three brothers all gathered around him. His vision had finally cleared, the sensation passing now that he was no longer moving and lying still on the floor.

“Mikey!”

“Are you okay?” Donnie was touching his arm, frowning in deep concern. “I’m so sorry!” The genius was checking him over.

“Wh-what happened?” Mikey croaked, placing a hand against his face. He certainly didn’t feel all that well.

“We were practicing katas and you were moving too close to Donnie, and he accidentally whacked you with his bo staff. You didn’t even move, you just stood there like you were gonna collapse,” Leo was now pushing Mikey up gently.

“Leo, stop,” Donnie stopped the leader in his tracks. “I think he blacked out.”

“That squirt was acting strange,” Raph stated.

“No kidding, he looked like he was about to pass out, and he looks pale,” Donnie added. “Mikey, are you sure you’re feeling all right?”

“Yeah, I’m….” Mikey blinked, taking in a deep breath. “I think I just… overworked myself… and need water…”

“Of course,” the youngest could an arm reaching underneath his legs and shell.

“N-no,” Mikey protested, shoving his hands against whoever was trying to pick him up. “I can get up.”

“Are you sure?” Leo pulled his hands away. “I’m not sure you are able to walk.”

“I actually feel better now, it’s passed,” Mikey shoved his hands against his brothers’ hands. He pushed himself up walking out from the dojo. His legs fell all right, and he was able to make his way into the kitchen to grab himself a glass of water. Mikey chugged it down, the liquid soothing his throat.

What had just happened? He had never blacked out during exercise before? No, Mikey shook his head. Nothing was wrong. He was fine, he just must’ve accidentally overworked himself. But it felt good. Once finished with a second glass of water, he sighed. His stomach hurt, it was actually painful. Turning his head he got up to open a drawer to pull out some gum.

Perhaps this would certainly help. He could chew gum to ignore the hunger pains. Plopping the watermelon strip into his mouth, he began to chew on it. Reaching back into the drawer to snatch the gum pack, Mikey turned it over to read the ingredients and the calorie count. “Seven calories for a stick of gum,” he whispered to himself. That was enough, he didn’t need anymore today. Smiling, he put the pack of gum into his belt before exiting the kitchen.

“Are you okay?” Mikey was met with Donnie, Leo and Raph. Raph had his arms folded across his plastron.

“Yeah, I drank some water it helped,” Mikey nodded his head.

“Then you should rest tonight,” Leo patted his shoulder.

“Okay,” Mikey nodded his head.

“Next time, tell us when you’re not feeling well.”

“Will do, bro,” Mikey smiled, chuckling when Leo leaned over to pat his head gently.

“I’ll be in the lab if anyone needs me, working on the next batch of retromutaten,” Donnie waved, before disappearing into the lab.

“I’m going to see what Casey is up to,” Raph took out his t-phone.

“I’ll be in the main room, if you need me,” Leo told Mikey. The orange masked turtle smiled, nodding his head. He watched his brothers disperse, Raph to call Casey and Leo to start watching a show.

Mikey found himself trailing back into the bathroom. Kneeling down to open the lower cupboard he pulled out a device. It was a scale, he didn’t know that they had one. Well, it was probably for medical purposes as Donnie deemed. “Hmm,” Mikey placed it down as he stepped foot onto it. The numbers began to buzz before reading: 108

For a moment Mikey could only stare. The number was glaring at back him, betraying him. No! He needed to get this lower. Growling, Mikey picked up the scale to shove it back inside the cupboard. This couldn’t be right! He needed to bring the intake down further.

Spitting his gum into the trash. Mikey took in a deep breath. He knew what he needed to do. Only fill up on water and nothing else. The gum was still too much. The turtle was going to go the entire day without eating anything.

“You can do this,” he clenched his fist. He needed to. Exiting the bathroom Mikey decided to join Leo into watching the movie. The turtle needed to keep himself occupied. Though Mikey could’ve sworn he saw Leo and Raph gazing at him every so often through the corner of his eyes. Mikey suddenly self-conscious, shifting uneasily. Why were they looking at him?

The orange clad turtle turned to gaze at Leo and Raph. Raph returned to punching his bag as Leo directed his attention back to the TV. Mikey focused on watching the hero on the screen. He ignored the uneasy feeling. Nothing was wrong with him.


	5. Perception

Mikey smiled as he gazed at the numbers on the scale. It had been two months now, and the numbers had decreased. It was working! The way he took his intake down every day, and he was close to barely eating nothing. In fact, he managed two days already without any food.

His skin felt dry, he felt cold and was shivering. Mikey gazed at himself in the mirror tilting his head to the size. His lips were cracked, but that wasn’t the point. The flaws were still there, glaring at him. “I don’t understand…” Mikey started. The skin along his cheeks were still bulging, tilting his body to the side his thighs were still fat. Not to mention his arms as well, including his shell that appeared to be trying to accommodate his obese body. It looked as it was going to rip apart. “WHY ISN’T IT WORKING!?” Mikey screamed, punching the mirror as it began to shatter. He then kicked his toe against the base of the scale, grunting in pain as the edge came in contact with one of his bones.

“Mikey!?”

“Are you okay!?”

“What the shell is happening in there?!”

The orange clad turtle was gasping, hunching over the sink. The pain was excruciating, but he was used to it. His fingers were bleeding, the one hand he used to punch the mirror. “Yeah, yeah I’m fine! Just… accidentally stubbed my toe!” Mikey called, giving an excuse. At least that wasn’t a total lie, his foot was looking a bit red.

Pulling his hand back he began to quickly take off one of the wrappings to wrap it up. He could have to treat this later in Donnie’s lab, but he couldn’t have the genius check up on him, no, he couldn’t risk that. Once he was finished wrapping up the bleeding marks, he took the scale to hide back into the cupboard before flushing the toilet, leaving the facet on to make his bros think that he was washing his hands. Mikey stepped out from the bathroom.

“Are you okay?” He was suddenly bombarded with questions from his older brothers. Leo dared to reach out to touch his shoulder. Mikey quickly slapped his hand away, uncomfortable with anyone touching him. How could they? Why did they want to touch his morbid body?

“I need to ice my toe,” Mikey stated, now making an escape from his brothers. He entered the kitchen to grab a pack of ice before sneaking off toward his bedroom. Once safe into his own room he began to sit onto the floor, shell against the bed as he began to perform some sit ups and push-ups. None of this made sense. Obviously the mirror wouldn’t lie right? But the scales were betraying him, the numbers had decreased significantly, but did he still look the same. He was still fat. Sighing heavily, Mikey brough the ice pack to his toe.

Come to think of it, he could see all the bones in his knees, his wrists, and his plastron was thinner too, and he could feel his jutting cheek bones. They were sharp to the touch. “Hmm,” the youngest mused. This still wasn’t enough.

The youngest sat there for awhile, until he heard his brothers’ voices. “Something’s definitely up with him.”

“No kidding, Captain Obvious,” came Raph’s sarcastic response.

“We need to talk,” Leo replied. Mikey stood up, walking to eavesdrop behind his door. He opened it ajar to find all three of his brothers were down the hallway near Leo’s bedroom. They followed the leader into his room, closing the door. Tip toeing out from his room Mikey made his way towards Leonardo’s door so he could further eavesdrop on their conversation. “I don’t understand what’s going on.”

“I bet Brainiac here knows what,” Raph replied.

“I’m clueless just like the rest of you,” Donnie said.

“He’s been off… ever since his concussion…” Leo’s voice was lower, sad even.

“Come to think of it, Leo. You’re right. I have been noticing that he seems to avoid any interaction with us, especially in the kitchen. He only goes in there by himself, he won’t go in with us.”

“What are you talking about? He was with us for breakfast yesterday,” Raph folded his arms across his plastron, glaring at Donnie.

“You know what I mean, Raph.”

“Donnie’s right, it’s like he isn’t there. He doesn’t even want to cook anything, well only for us, but he won’t cook himself anything. And when he does join us for breakfast he’s always eating slowly and is the last to leave the kitchen,” Leo pointed out. “Plus he’s been up early, training and exercising though he told me it was because he wanted to become a better ninja.”

“See? Nothing’s wrong with him,” Raph chuckled. “He just wants to be better for once.”

“Raph, that’s not-”

“That nutball is finally growing up and you’re calling that a bad thing? When he becomes serious? Come on guys, this is nuts,” Raph growled.

“I’m not saying that training to become better is bad,” Leo started.

“And here I thought I heard Casey telling me once that Mikey rejected pizza,” Raph scoffed, shaking his head. Silence filled the room for a couple of seconds. “What?”

“Mikey rejected pizza?” Donnie’s eyes widened. The hothead’s hand dropped his side in realization.

“Why would he do that?” Leo demanded. “Mikey loves pizza! It’s practically a part of who he is!”

“Maybe he wants to be healthy?” Donnie shrugged his shoulders. “So he doesn’t want to eat pizza anymore?”

“Don’t you realize how absurd that is?” Leo’s voice began to rose.

“Yeah Mikey doesn’t do healthy,” Raph added.

“Guys!” Donnie could notice how agitated the two eldest were becoming in trying to process what was happening to their baby brother. “That’s not absurd, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to eat healthier.”

“Well then tell me how that is isn’t bad when I’ve been noticing how his body has been changing!”

“His body has been changing?” Donatello blinked at the leader.

“Have any of you even bothered to notice just how thin he is?” Leo exasperated. “And you know what I’m talking about,” Leo motioned at Raph. “The one day when we were sitting watching a movie. His body was so much thinner.”

“Maybe he wanted to lose some weight?” Raph held out his hands in an unsure motion.

“No, this is serious,” there was a shuffling noise as Leo and Raph turned to face Donnie who sat onto Leo’s bed. The genius placed both hands against the sides of his head. “I’m starting to realize that all these things that are happening, they appear to be correlated with one another. Mikey avoiding us, avoiding the kitchen, avoiding to cook for himself, eating slowly, being the last to exit the kitchen. He’s suddenly training more, rejected pizza, and has undergone weight loss.” The purpled masked turtle gasped as it felt like a brick hit him.

“What is it, Donnie?”

“I think I may have an idea of what Mikey is going through. I once skimmed past an article about eating disorders.”

“Eating disorders?”

“Like what? And what the shell does that even mean?” Raph inquired. “He hates food?”

“Something like that.”

“So something is wrong with him?”

Mikey gasped, pulling himself away from the door. No, no, no this couldn’t be! He could feel the tears stinging his eyes. There was nothing wrong with him! He was fine the way he was! The orange clad turtle tore himself away from the door and back into his room.

“If one doesn’t eat properly, or give their body proper nutrition then terrible things can occur,” Donnie added. “Like fainting, loss of energy, organ failure or even death.”

“Shell,” Raphael cursed, growling underneath his breath.

“I’ll need to find more evidence of Mikey’s symptoms to figure out exactly what kind of eating disorder he has.”

“There’s more than one?” Leo’s eyes widened at Donnie’s statement.

“Yes, but I’ll have to do some research to figure out what is going on.”


	6. Anorexia Nervosa

**MEANWHILE**

Mikey hummed, tapping his foot to the beat of the music with his t-pods in. After hearing his brothers he just wanted to tune out their voices and what he had heard. There was nothing wrong with him. There was a knock, startling the turtle from his thoughts. His door opened to reveal Leo who was holding out his t-phone.

“Come on, the Mighty Mutanimals invited us to their lair,” the leader replied, gesturing for Mikey to follow.

“Aw sweet,” Mikey stood up from his bed, taking out his earbuds. At least they could finally be outside the lair. The orange masked turtle stepped out into the hallway, noticing Leo gaze at him for a moment. “So we going or what?” he turned his head to Leo. The leader shifted his gaze away and nodded his head.

“Just waiting for Donnie and Raph.” The hothead soon appeared, arms folded across his plastron.

“Coming!” The lab doors opened to reveal Donnie. The youngest followed his brothers as they made their way to the world up above to where the Mighty Mutanimals lair resided. Mikey honestly missed Leatherhead and Mondo, and thought it would be great to see him. However, was he wrong. The moment he entered the room of a table filled with food the turtle suddenly want nothing more than to flee in that moment.

“Holy chalupa!” Donnie grinned, rushing up to the table to talk with Dr. Rockwell. Leo smiled, joining in as Raph and Slash began to talk, fist bumping each other. Mikey stood a good distance away from the table of food.

“HEEEEEY DUDE!” The youngest squeaked as he felt a hand touch his arm. Mikey shoved his arm away, gazing down to see the gecko mutant. “Woah dude, it’s just me.” The orange masked turtle began to relax, but could feel himself tense him as Mondo hugged him. Leatherhead came towards him as well.

“It is good to see you again, Michelangelo,” the gator hugged the freckled turtle to his chest.

“Uh- yeah it’s good to see you too, Leatherhead,” Mikey cleared his throat. He was feeling super self-conscious with being touched. Shoving his hands against the gator’s chest to break the hug Mikey took a step back, chuckling nervously.

“Dude, did you lose some weight or something?” Mikey flinched as Mondo circled around him.

“Yeah I’ve been- uh working lately,” Mikey flashed a grin. He noticed the way Leatherhead was gazing at him.

“Cool, well you should totally try the new meaty deluxe pizza!” Mondo pointed. “It’s the best thing ever!”

“Uh- I’m good I uh-” Mikey could feel his friend pushing him towards the table of food. He had to force himself free from Mondo’s grasp as his plastron bumped into the table. “I already ate,” Mikey shook his hands, stepping further away.

“Aww come on, just one bite!” Mondo held up a plate of pasta. “This is superb!” Mikey could himself gulping, anxiety spiking, heart racing as he stared at the piles of food. No, no, he couldn’t touch it. He spared a quick glance around to find everyone else eating. What were they doing? It was making him sick.

“Is everything all right, Michelangelo?”

“Yeah, I’m just not hungry,” Mikey replied, noticing the gator who stood beside him. The freckled turtle could’ve sworn that he saw his brothers sparing ninja glances at him. Mikey bit his lip tightly, moving to the one of the tables where the plastic cups of water were stacked. He began to down himself a glass of water, turning to watch everyone eat.

Mikey blinked hard as he suddenly felt dizzy. No, no, no he couldn’t be having another fainting episode again! He couldn’t look suspicious! Setting down his glass, Mikey took in deep breaths. The sight of everyone eating, slurping, noises of food crunching, silverware scrapping against plates. It was starting to cave in around Mikey. The freckled turtle made a dash nearest the door that was behind him, luckily everyone was too engrossed to even see him flee the room. He just couldn’t be in there anymore. Mikey eventually found a bathroom, shutting himself in there as his shell slid against the door.

He was heaving heavily, the tears now coming as his vision blurred. Everything was overwhelming him. The turtle began to cry, sobbing as he tucked his knees up to his plastron.

“Mikey!?” The orange turtle sniffled, pulling his head up. How long had he been crying? Wiping the tears away as he stood up, turning on the facet to run to splash his face with water trying to rid any evidence that he had been crying. Taking in a deep breath, Mikey pushed open the door to find his three brothers.

“Are you okay?” He could see the concern in all of their faces. “Leatherhead saw you disappear into the bathroom. You’ve been in there for thirty minutes.”

“I uh- had to take a bad leak?” Mikey shifted to lean onto one of his legs. Donnie’s eyes narrowed at this, as Leo let out a sigh. Raph had his arms folded across his plastron, something shimmering in his eyes that Mikey couldn’t quite detect.

“If something is wrong, you know you can tell us anything,” Leo whispered, still loud enough for Mikey to hear.

“Nothing’s wrong,” Mikey shook his head. Why couldn’t his brothers let it go? He just had to go to the bathroom.

“Leatherhead said that you didn’t eat anything,” Donnie added.

“Because I’m not hungry,” Mikey replied. “I already ate before.”

“Then why don’t you come out and join us?” Leo gestured for Mikey to follow them back out into the big room. “You don’t have to eat.”

“N-no I….” Mikey’s eyes widened with fear. He could notice the way Raph turned his head sharply, meeting his gaze. “I don’t want to be here… I would rather go home… please…”

“We won’t stay that long-”

“I really can’t!” Mikey couldn’t hold back the tears that leaked down his cheeks. Now his brothers’ eyes widened. “You don’t understand…”

“Then make us understand…” Leo was frowning deeply.

“Come here,” Mikey could feel Raph’s strong arms wrapping around him tugging him against his plastron. Raph didn’t say anything, only simply tightening his arms around his little brother. He could now feel just how thin Michelangelo’s body was. He tilted his head down to gaze at Mikey to find the youngest suddenly hyperventilating. Raph could feel Mikey’s heartbeat skyrocketing and breathing picking up. “Mikey-”

“Let me go!” Mikey shoved himself against Raph’s plastron. It was frail and weak, unlike Mikey’s original strength that Raph had remembered. The turtle couldn’t even remove himself from his arms. Releasing him, not wanting to make things worse as Mikey appeared to be having a panic attack or meltdown.

Mikey clutched onto his elbows tightly. “Don’t touch me… I don’t want to be hugged…” he met Leo’s gaze, eyes pleading through the tears. “I just wanna go home…”

Leo sighed at this, nodding his head. “Okay, we’ll go home.”

“Thank you…” Mikey walked out to the main room, avoiding eye contact with any of his friends or the Mighty Mutanimals. Leo quickly explained the situation to Slash that Mikey wasn’t feeling that well, so they were leaving. And the four did so, leaving the party early.

The moment they had returned to the lair Mikey had shut himself into his room. He couldn’t even talk to any of his brothers. The three were now gathered in Donnie’s lab, chatting about the situation.

“We need to do something!” Raph growled. “I say we just barge into Mikey’s room and force him to tell us what’s wrong!”

“Raph,” Leo put a hand to the hothead’s plastron to stop him. “That won’t help.”

“Do you have a better idea?” Raph turned to glare at Leo. “He’s obviously suffering! Something isn’t right!”

“You don’t think I know that? He didn’t even eat anything at all, Leatherhead noticed.”

“He said he was hungry, and that he already ate before,” Raph retorted. “Like shell I’m gonna believe that!”

“Yeah I’m pretty sure that he didn’t eat anything at all,” Leo sighed, placing a hand onto the table. “I was in the main room the entire day and kept watch. Not once did I see Mikey enter the kitchen.”

“Guys!” Two heads turned to Donatello who was typing away on his computer. “I think I’ve found Mikey’s diagnosis.”

“What is it?” Leo and Raph gathered around the genius, gazing at the screen.

“These are most common eating disorders, “ Donnie pointed at the screen. Leo read them, Avoidant Food Intake, Anorexia, Bulimia, Binge Eating, Pica, Rumination, Nocturnal Eating and others. “I’ve been looking at symptoms of all these disorders. The one that seems to fit Mikey’s behavior is this,” Donnie scrolled down until two bolded words stood out on the screen. “Anorexia Nervosa.”


	7. Diagnosis Verified

Mikey shifted in his sleep. He could hear hushed whisperings.

“We need to confirm this.”

“What do you suggest?” Mikey shifted once more, throwing an arm over his head. The voices were blurring, mumbling he couldn’t make out what someone said but he heard the last thing.

“We’ll bring it in here.” Groaning, Mikey opened his eyes to lift his head. His room was still dark, and the bedroom door was still closed. The youngest could’ve sworn he heard his brothers talking. Was he dreaming? A wave of dizziness passed over him, just from simply lifting up his head. Mikey laid his head back down trying to lure himself back to sleep.

When he awoke, his room was a bit brighter as it seemed to be late morning, near early afternoon. Rubbing his crusty eyes, Mikey rolled himself over, reaching over his skateboard to grasp his bandana. Sitting up, he wrapped his bandana around his eyes, tying it into a knot in the back. The turtle froze once he realized that he wasn’t alone in his room. Raphael was sound asleep, shell leaning against the side of Mikey’s bed. Donnie was awake, seemingly staring at the wall ahead of him. He had his hands cupped onto his knees as he was deep in thought, pondering whatever was on his mind.

The genius shifted, turning as brown eyes met baby blues. “Hey, Mikey,” Donnie flattened his legs against the floor. “How are you feeling?”

Mikey blinked, confused. Why were two of his brothers in his own bedroom? And where was Leo? He wasn’t in the room whatsoever. “Fine,” Mikey replied, noticing Raph who began to awaken. Mikey could notice the skeptical look in both Raph and Donnie’s faces. “And what are you dudes doing in my room?” Mikey demanded, keeping the covers curled around his body, as he didn’t want to reveal himself.

Neither Donnie nor Raph responded to that, only gazing at each other as Mikey’s bedroom door opened suddenly. Aha! There was Leo, however, he was holding something. It appeared to be a tray full of bowls of cereal, and including oatmeal. Leo kicked the door closed with the heel of his right foot as he neared Mikey’s bed. Donnie and Raph both stood up at the same time.

“Uh… dudes?...” Mikey’s eyes widened, trying not to stare at the tray of food looking anywhere but that.

“We thought since you slept in so late,” Donnie started.

“That we would bring breakfast to you,” Leo finished, smiling, offering the tray.

“Uh- you didn’t have to do this… this is unnecessary,” Mikey’s eyes widened, his shell bumping against the headboard of his bed.

“It’s not, but we wanted to do something nice for you,” Leo added, “take it, why don’t you have some breakfast?” Leo set the tray onto Mikey’s bed.

“I-I- I didn’t ask for this…” Leo’s expression fell, shifting to meet Raph’s gaze. The hothead’s mouth was in a thin line.

“Mikey,” Donnie placed a hand onto the edge of youngest’s bed. “Are you okay?”

“Y-yeah I’m fine…” Mikey avoiding gazing at the bowls of food. He just couldn’t look at it. He didn’t want it!

“No you’re not, you’re panicking,” the genius confirmed. Now both Leo and Raph gave him a concerned look. Leo seemed sad, and Raph, he looked half angry and concerned if that was even possible. They could clearly see Mikey’s body language, eyes avoiding the food, avoiding eye contact, pressing himself against the wall. The look of panic on his face, his hands clutching onto his sheets.

“Do you dudes have to be in here?” Mikey’s voice cracked. “I would rather eat this alone…” Now this was interesting, Mikey avoiding them, avoiding the food and now asking to be alone? Donnie frowned at this. This definitely wasn’t right.

“What’s wrong with us being in here?” Leo questioned.

“It makes me uncomfortable… for others to watch me eat…” Mikey said, hands clutching tighter onto his sheets.

“Since when does this make you uncomfortable?” Donnie tilted his head in confusion. “We won’t judge you. You never had a problem with eating in front of others. And we’re your brothers, we practically live here.”

“Can you please just leave?....” Mikey lifted his gaze to glance at his brothers. Silence befell between them before Raph folded his arms across his plastron.

“No.”

“W-what?” Mikey gasped.

“We’re not leaving until you eat,” Raph confirmed. Donnie and Leo both nodding their heads in affirmation.

“Just have a little bite,” Leo gestured to the bowl of oatmeal. “Please, Otouto.” Mikey let out a shaky breath, uncurling his fingers from the sheets. This was torture! He didn’t want to eat anything! Much less touch food!

Mikey shifted, pulling the tray towards him as he picked up the bowl of oatmeal. His hands were shaking badly, staring down at the food. His brothers’ eyes were on him, watching him. The freckled terrapin could feel himself hyperventilating, sweating profusely. He took the spoon to take a bite of the oatmeal, plopping it into his mouth. It was the most horrible feeling that Mikey ever felt. The mush on his tongue, he didn’t dare to swallow it other than keep it settled there, pretending to chew.

“There,” he stated, keeping the small amount hidden underneath his tongue.

“Mikey, you took fifteen minutes to just take a bite,” Donnie clarified.

“What?” Mikey blinked in confusion. “It wasn’t that long.”

“Fifteen minutes,” Donnie emphasized.

“And I know you didn’t swallow,” Leo pointed out, walking over near Mikey’s side. “You need to swallow, eat some more.”

“N-no…” Mikey croaked, eyes widening in horror. The edges of his vision were turning into black spots.

“We’re not leaving until you eat. You’re not leaving this room until you _eat._ ”

“NO!” Mikey shouted, spitting out the mush that he kept hidden in his mouth back into the bowl. The turtle flung the bowl away from him, kicking the tray in the process as food splattered all over the floor. “I CAN’T!”

“Mikey!”

“Why can’t you?” Donnie was now tearing up at the sight of his brother who was now crying hysterically. He shrunk away from them, cornered against the bedpost.

“I just c-can’t….”

“What’s wrong?” Leo knelt down, keeping a hand onto the bed. “You need to tell us, Mikey. We want to help you.”

“Nothing is wrong,” Mikey shook his head. “I’m fine.”

“Like the shell you are!” Raphael growled, fed up with his brother’s behavior. “There’s a reason why ya ain’t eating and acting off!” The crimson turtle ripped the covers from Mikey’s hands to uncover his body.

“NO!” Three gasps could be heard, as they now could see Michelangelo’s condition. He was even thinner than yesterday, the bones obviously evident. It was like he was nothing but skin and bone. He practically looked like a mutant turtle skeleton. Mikey could see the devastation on his brothers’ faces, Donnie was crying, tears were leaking down Leo’s cheeks and Raph was completely horrified.

“He is anorexic…” Leo sputtered.

“That’s it, you’re coming to the lab, _NOW_.” Mikey could feel his brothers’ arms wrapping around him, lifting him up.

“NO!” Mikey thrashed against them violently. However, he was too frail and weak to tear himself away from their grasp. The turtle could feel his legs collapsing underneath him, as Raph and Leo had to catch him in order to prevent him from falling.

“Don’t you see this?” there was a blob of purple in front of him. “Your body is failing, is this what you wanted huh? To die like this?”

Mikey could feel himself choking, the tears blurring his vision. He could feel himself being lifted once again and set onto something soft. For a moment he allowed himself to relax, but he couldn’t. The turtle could only break down sobbing. His brothers were around him, Donnie was injecting IV’s into his arms, tubes connected to bags that appeared to be filled with liquid food of some sort.

“No, no,” Mikey could feel himself shaking. Food was being forced inside his body, a tube into his blood stream, one that went directly into his throat. But he was too weak to fight back. His gut only recoiled at the feeling of food entering him. The turtle began to cry, screaming even though it came out muffled since there was a feeding tube over him.

Leo was on the phone calling someone, it sounded like April. Donnie was working in a frenzy around him. Raph remained by his side, clutching gently onto his frail hand. And that’s when Mikey felt himself collapsed due to exhaustion. His body had given up, as he was pulled into unconsciousness.


	8. Therapeutic

Mikey sighed, staring at his hands as he sat on a chair. It had been two months since he had been out of commission. The turtle couldn’t help but to stare at his thighs. They were bigger, even more so since he was practically fed food through tubes while he was lying on a cot. The tubes were still hooked to him and he couldn’t count the times he had ripped them out. It would end up with Leo pressing a pressure point in his neck to get him to stop struggling, to make his body numb for some time. Then Donatello would reinsert the tubes, and try to stop the blood from tearing the IVs straight out.

As much as Michelangelo hated it, he knew that if he ripped them out again he would only be pressurized again. They would kept doing it, and he was slowly getting tired. April and Casey would come to visit, along with her dad. That’s when Donnie finally signed Mikey up for therapy. He told him he would need a psychiatrist to help him out.

Mikey didn’t like the idea not one bit, but he had no choice. A lady, who was a friend of April’s dad came to the lair to visit. She promised she wouldn’t tell about their location nor she did freak out at seeing four humanoid turtles. Mikey’s brothers would often attend his therapy sessions, never seemingly leaving him alone. Sometimes, even Donnie would perform his own therapy session on Mikey as well, as he learned quickly from the psychiatrist. She told the genius that it would be helpful that he did this with someone he knew every day. And so it became a daily routine.

“What do you see?” Mikey lifted his gaze to find Donnie holding a mirror in front of him.

“No-“ Mikey’s eyes widened, avoiding his reflection. He didn’t want to look at it.

“You know you can tell me anything. It’s important to open up about this, about your feelings,” Donnie said.

Mikey sighed, shifting his gaze to meet Leo who smiled genuinely at him. “It’s okay, Mikey,” Leo placed a hand onto his shoulder. The youngest flinched a bit, but otherwise turned to face the mirror.

“My cheeks… they’re fat…” Mikey took in a deep rattling breath. “My body… the flaws are glaring at me…”

“Mhm,” Donnie nodded, pulling the mirror away. “And this,” he held out a scale setting it down. It was the same one he had found in the bathroom. “Go on, take a step.”

Mikey stepped off the chair to step onto the scale. The numbers began to adjust before finalizing. The orange masked turtle frowned, the number was bit bigger than he had seen before. “No…” he shook his head, tearing up.

“Does it feel like the scale is betraying you? And that the mirror is a lie?” Donnie making a clicking noise with his pen, jotting something down. Mikey merely nodded his head. He could feel Leo touching his shoulder and Raph who stood next to him. Donnie got off his chair to move around him.

“And these numbers,” Donnie pointed down below. “If they get lower than the 100’s then that is the danger zone,” the genius said. “The lower you get underneath that, you closer you near death.” Mikey could feel his breath hitch at that, as he was instructed to step off. He was led back into his chair and over towards Donnie’s computer. “Anorexia Nervosa is an eating disorder where the person has a sudden lack or loss of appetite. It’s characterized by an obsessive desire to lose weight by not eating. This is a serious condition, one that results in death. Do you understand this?”

Mikey nodded his head shakily, looking at the screen as Donnie pointed out the statistics of death by Anorexia Nervosa. The number was fairly high, the death rate was high. Mikey could feel the tears coming as he made a strangled noise. All this time he convinced himself that he was in control, and that everything was fine. But now it was like a stab to the gut, this was all wrong. How could he do this to himself?

“It’s going to be okay,” he could feel Leo’s arms wrapping around him, hugging him. This time, Mikey didn’t even bother to pull away. “We’re going to help you, Mikey.”

“I promise,” Raph added, reaching out to touch Mikey’s arm. The youngest could feel himself relax bit.

“Leo, I need you to hold the mirror up to Mikey for him to see. We’re going to do several body dysmorphia exercises.” The leader pulled back, doing as told. Mikey flinched as he held up the mirror.

“I want you to look in the mirror,” Donnie said from behind him. “I know it’s hard because you can’t see what’s real or not. But I want you to trust me.” Mikey nodded his head shakily. He stared at his reflection. Those fat cheeks, fat thighs and legs. The tears were burning against his cheeks. “Now I want you,” Donnie took his hand, moving it up. “To feel yourself.” The youngest obliged, bringing a hand to his cheek feeling it. “Does it feel as it should look?”

“N-no…” Mikey stated. His cheek should feel fat, but it didn’t. He could feel his own cheek bone, it was thin.

“What you feel is the truth, and what you see here,” Donnie pointed at the mirror. “Is a lie, this isn’t reality.” Mikey nodded at this, the genius paused for a moment letting that sink into Mikey’s mind. Donnie pulled back taking out his t-phone. He had taken a picture of Mikey. “This is how you actually look,” Mikey turned his head to gaze at the frozen picture. It looked nothing like the mirror.

“Why… doesn’t it look the same?” Mikey questioned.

“Because this is what we see, and this here,” Donnie pointed back at the mirror. “Is what you see. Does that make sense?”

“I guess…”

“Here, let’s try this.” Donnie turned, beckoning for Raph’s aid. Mikey turned watching as Raph held out a yarn of red string with a pair of scissors. “I want you to cut off how much you see and should be.”

Mikey took the pair of scissors cutting off a thick amount. “What’s this for?” Raph asked.

“My thighs,” Mikey held up the string.

“So that’s what you see your thighs as?” Donnie questioned.

“Yes,” Mikey confirmed. Raph and Leo didn’t comment on how large the string was, but merely watched. Donnie then took the string to wrap around Mikey’s thighs, measuring them before cutting the string.

“So this is what you see,” he gestured to the string that Mikey cut, laying it out onto the table for the freckled turtle to get a sense of the image. “And this is what it really is,” Donnie laid out the string that he had cut next to it. Mikey stared down at it. The length between the two strings had a huge difference. The one that he saw was large, and the one that was reality was tiny and thin. “This is what it means when you see this, when it’s not reality. And this is what others see.”

Mikey sighed at this. It made sense. So whatever he saw in the mirror, it was total lie. “How do you feel about that?” Leo asked.

“I don’t know… guilty? Bad?...” Mikey tried to find the right words to say. “It’s like… you think you’re fine one way, and you hate your body and see it this way. But that’s not how everyone else sees it,” Mikey shrugged his shoulders. “So I feel ashamed… I don’t know… like I can’t trust myself.”

“Which is why we’re going to have to work with your mind to help it to trust your body,” Donnie patted his shoulder gently. “Rather than what it sees and the dark thoughts that come to your mind.” Mikey smiled a bit, letting himself relax. His three brothers smiled at him, at least he was smiling even if it was little.

* * *

For the next few months were filled with training and therapy sessions to try to train Mikey’s mind to trust his body. It wasn’t easy to say, for he had to start out with eating a little since his body was used to eating nearly nothing. He could start with healthy foods, small portions. Mikey could eat cherries, fruit or other things. Donnie had taken away any papers that could be in his room so Mikey couldn’t write down calorie count. Donatello had to tell him that it was okay to count calories, but Mikey’s motive was to at least have a certain amount every day. The main amount of calories he should be getting to help support his body nutritionally was around 2,000 calories. It took a lot of effort to try to get Mikey out of the mindset that these numbers weren’t bad. There were two extremes, too low or too high. If he remained in the middle then he would be okay. The turtle had to learn to trust his body that it knew what it was doing. It wasn’t necessarily trying to get him fat, it just needed the essential nutrients and energy it needed to keep it going.

Once Mikey got used to eating small portions, they increased the intake until he was able to eat the normal amount. Mikey was slowly starting to feel better, he was still thinner than he originally was but at least he was no longer a skeleton anymore. Leo told him that there was nothing wrong with exercising and training, as long as he still ate and didn’t burn off everything. He had to maintain a certain amount of exercise and not over do it.

Of course, that didn’t mean the youngest had his slip ups where he didn’t want to eat. But his brothers were there for every step, helping him encouraging him. It was a long painful process, but he was still making progress.

The orange clad turtle stood in his room, staring at the mirror. The flaws were still there and glaring at him. “I know you’re not real,” Mikey pointed at his reflection, nearing up as he glared at it. “This isn’t real.” He closed his eyes tightly before opening them. There in his reflection, the flaws disappeared. He didn’t look fat, but rather just a thin-slightly chubby turtle. Mikey gasped, touching the softness of his cheeks and his thighs. “This isn’t bad,” he told himself, remembering what Donnie told him whenever he was having thoughts of hating his body. He needed to replace it with something else, with self-love, with encouragement, with reminding himself that he was okay the way he was.

“You’re looking great, little brother,” Mikey turned his head to find his bedroom door open with Raph leaning against the doorframe. Donnie and Leo were also beside him.

“Thanks bro,” Mikey smiled at Raph.

“You all right?” Leo questioned, concerned.

“Yeah, just looking at myself,” Mikey replied. His brothers stepped into the room until they each were standing beside him. Mikey could see them in the mirror next to him. The brothers knew that they couldn’t about fat bodies or demoralizing comments, as that itself could have an effect on Mikey’s mind. Afterall, his mind was still fragile.

“You look so cute!” Leo gushed, wrapping an arm around his baby brother, pulling him close as he squished his slightly chubby cheeks. Mikey could feel himself blush, as Leo let go of him as Donnie stepped forward.

“You don’t see yourself as something different?” Donnie asked.

“No,” Mikey shook his head.

“Are you okay with this?”

“Yeah, I am,” Mikey nodded his head. “I look great, I look so adorable!” Mikey rubbed his cheeks taking notice of the freckles.

“Yes you do,” Donnie chuckled. 

“So we going on patrol?” Mikey’s eyes sparkled with excitement.

“After we eat some dinner,” Leo nodded his head. “We’re having pasta, salad and pizza.” A growling noise cut the three older brothers off.

“Hehehe,” Mikey chuckled nervously rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m hungry,” he patted his stomach.

“Then let’s eat shall we?” The four of them made their way into the kitchen to eat the pasta, salad and pizza. They found that eating healthier helped Mikey to eat those healthy foods as well. In fact, it kind of prompted him to do so when they were doing it with him.

Mikey smiled, stuffing his mouth with salad and some pasta. He chewed feeling the food enter as he relaxed as he didn’t get that same feeling of wanting everything out. “All right, ready team?” Leo asked once they had finished their dinner.

“Did you get enough?” Donnie nudged Mikey’s left arm gently.

“Actually I could eat a little more,” Mikey reached over to the pizza box taking out a pizza slice as he began to eat it, and he ate the entire thing. Mikey paused, noticing the looks his brothers were giving him. “What?”

“Nothing, we’re just glad that you’re doing better,” Leo smiled, reaching over to pat his head gently. Mikey could notice the tears in his brothers’ eyes.

“Are you dudes crying?”

“We’re just happy,” Donnie smiled.

“Oh good,” Mikey burped, “sorry,” he smiled sheepishly. “That was great.” He hopped off the stool. “Now I’m ready for patrol! Let’s go!” He was already practically out the kitchen with his brothers following behind. They smiled, the original Mikey wouldn’t care about being more healthy, though this one did. The concussion did change his personality a bit, but he was still Mikey. He was still their baby brother, even if he focused more on training, and ate more healthier foods. But the fact that they saw him eat pizza when he hadn’t done so in many months was a clear indication that he was better. And none of them would certainly never leave his side through this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope ya enjoyed this story!


End file.
